Will Offset Carbon Footprint for Air Miles

Freelance reporter Bigdino sent in a dispatch from the Great White North ™ today referencing this bit of environmental foolishness news. AirCanada travellers can now purchase carbon offsets to assuage their guilty conscience. Now travellers can kick back in cushy business class seats, sip chardonnay and munch on warm nuts without guilt. For instance, it only takes a mere $6.01 USD on a round trip flight between YYZ (Toronto Lester B. Pearson) and DFW to completely offset your lavish lifestyle.

Through a company called zerofootprint you can now completely eliminate your carbon footprint for a pittance. Their website offers this advice for the neophyte offsetter:

So where do I start? The best place to start is with my own emissions. Per capita, the average North American emits about 20 tonnes of CO2 every year. If you fly a lot, or drive a lot, or live in a big house, you may emit more. Maybe you emit less. The only way to find out is to measure your carbon footprint. Then you clean up as much as you emit.

Just so you know how bad you are they even offer a handy dandy calculator so you can fill in your own personal details and come up with your own footprint. The Semitough family weighed in at 34.35 (before adding in our secondary and tertiary vehicles) which according to their little snarky note is “well above average.” Since their handy dandy calculator does not allow for the fact that a person might own more than one car, calculating the secondary and tertiary SUVs brought us up to a grand total of 47.16. OMG we are nothing but filthy carbon pumps!

So what’s a suburban redneck to do? Well for a bit of money zerofootprint will make it all right for you. Travelling? No prob. $16 clears your slate. Got a carbon pumping vehicle? Rest easy. $96 nets you out. Just have that queasy “I’m-a-carbon-emitting-lowlife-ruining-the-planet-with-my-filthy-dirty-emissions feeling?” For only $128 these enviro-saints will absolve your enviro-sins. Just head on over to the Carbon Shop and buy your way to a crystal clear enviroscaped nirvana.

And don’t forget! Carbon offsets make great gifts!

Hat tip: Bigdino

In My Own Trailer Park – Racial Profiling!

I must have missed this story on the local news. Allah be praised that Ace of Spades  is on the interwebs looking out for us down here. It seems that the Dallas Police Department and the FBI are at it again, oppressing Muslim women simply because they wear scarves on their heads.

Sources said in February, Kimberly “Asma” Al-Homsi, 42, and Aisha Abdul-Rahman Hamad, 50, allegedly scoped out Dallas Love Field in a manner classic of surveying an area.

Al-Homsi was already under surveillance and is on the government’s no fly list since being involved in a road rage incident back in December of 2005. Officials said during the incident she held up an inert grenade and threatened another driver. Garland’s bomb squad reported they later found ammunition in her car.

“If I didn’t have a scarf on my head and it was a simple road rage I would not be on the terrorism watch list,” she said.

So let’s review:

• Two women in fatigues and traditional Muslim headgear are spotted measuring the concourse at an airport. Then observing flight operations through binoculars.
• Said airport is within sight of the glittering skyscrapers of beautiful downtown Dallas, including the 70 story Bank of America building.
• One of those women had previously been involved in a road rage incident involving grenades and ammunition which landed her a spot on the no-fly list and ongoing surveillance.

Really. Nothing to see here folks. I mean come on, what Muslim woman in their right mind wouldn’t be wildly interested in the History of Flight museum at Dallas Love Field? And after getting so pumped up by all that aviation history and concourse walking decide to rest a bit while observing take offs and landings through a pair of binoculars they just happened to have handy?

One thing I should point out to Kimberly “aka Asma” Al Hamsi, if she had an encounter with the Garland Police Department and only ended up on the no-fly list she should consider herself fortunate. The GPD has been known to put people on the no-walk or in extreme cases the no-breathe list.

San Francisco: Not Safe For Kids

If I were Mayor of San Francisco, I’d build a big wall with barbed wire and stuff all around the city. Then I would have what few normal people and families that are left there evacuated, and seal it off. Then I would send in a team led by Snake Plisskin, that Die Hard dude, Rocky Balboa/Rambo, and a resurrected John Wayne and have them kick some snotty ecoterrorist bicyclist ass. Once that ass was kicked I’d bring in Walker Texas Ranger, Randall “Tex” Cobb (Uncommon Valor “don’t you try none of that martial karate bullshit on me boy” Tex Cobb, not loser boxer Tex Cobb) Steven Segal, and Jean Claude VanDammedemeyer in to kick that ass one more time. Just for good measure, I’d combine the teams for another hot round of bicyclist ass whipping. Then open the city back up to the normal folks again so maybe crap like this wouldn’t happen anymore.

The inmates are running the asylum.

Update: Suggestion to rename the renegade biker (that’s bicycles) gang responsible for this outrage. Critical Mass is out….Hell’s Gay-ngels is in.

Check D.C., I think I smelled something there….

Absolute Moral Authority reports on more weird news from Michigan Some stories defy description. Read for yourself:

SAND LAKE, Mich. (AP) — About 15 million gallons of partially treated sewage water disappeared from a 250,000 square-foot storage lagoon into a sinkhole, but officials don’t know where it went after that……”It’s an odd case. A sinkhole gobbled up all the water and we don’t know where it went… It seems to have just gone down into the earth.

“We don’t smell anything and we don’t see anything.”

Full story here.