Thursday Thirteen #3

Thursday Thirteen
Thirteen Rules For Dating Semitough’s Teenage Daughter:
1. Have a destination in mind. None of this “We’re just gonna hang out”. Nothing should be hanging out while you are with my daughter.2. When you pick her up, don’t even consider honking your horn. Plan on coming to the door, coming inside, sitting down for awhile and getting to know the Esposa, Energizer Buddy and myself. If your movie starts in 15 minutes, tough sh*t. You should have shown up earlier.3. Be nice to her little brother. Revenge is his middle name, Energize R. Buddy. He’ll have your MySpace hacked and showing your naked baby pictures within 15 minute of your departure if you don’t treat him right. He’s good like that.4. Esposa may fall for the “nice boy” act should you attempt to try to be all Eddie Haskell. Semitough? Not so much. Keep in mind that I can see right through you and know you like a book. Attempts to bullsh*t me are doomed to failure so don’t even try.

5. As stated in number 1 above, nothing should be hanging out while you are out with my daughter. Keep your tongue in your own mouth, your pants zipped, and your shoes on. You never know when I might be around and if it’s not exposed, I can’t cut it off.

6. Don’t go all NASCAR/Mario Andretti with my daughter in the car. If you want to drive fast we’ve got “Need For Speed” 1 & 2 for the Gamecube upstairs. Go on up, I’ll bring up some snacks.

7. Be on time. Wear a watch. Get one of those bigass Flava Flave watches to hang around your neck if you need to so you will be sure to know what time it is. If I say have her home at 11:30 that does not mean leave wherever you are at 11:30.

8. Always remember, you answer to me, not The Princess. If she says “It’s OK, I can be late, Daddy won’t mind” don’t listen to her. It’s you and me pal. I hold you personally responsible. Get her home on time or else. Your future depends on it.

9. The conditions of Semitough’s parole do not allow him to own firearms…but he knows people who do.

10. Semitough has “associates” who are paid not only to carry firearms, but have the ability to double-tap a suspected Tango between the eyes with a spread no larger than a quarter at 10 paces.

11. Said associate is also expert in hundreds of ways to maim, disable, and if needed kill using only hands, head, and/or feet.

12. No excuses, no whining, and no crying. If you violate these rules, take it like the man that you otherwise might have grown up to be.

13. Should the above not scare you and you still somehow hurt my daughter, you will recieve the ultimate consequence. Semitough will step aside and you can explain yourself to The Esposa.

May God have mercy on your soul.

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13 thoughts on “Thursday Thirteen #3

  1. Tug August 31, 2006 / 11:27 am

    AWESOME. I’m so glad I’m through all of that already…

    Mine is up!

  2. newscindy August 31, 2006 / 11:35 am

    YOu sound like my dad and my husband. That’s OK…we could use more protective dads that are actively involved in their daughter’s life! Love your humor! πŸ™‚

  3. Amaranth August 31, 2006 / 11:44 am

    I don’t have kids yet, but I do have a 14 year old sister. This is a great list!! Mind if I borrow it?

    Β Feel free! semitough

  4. Sadie August 31, 2006 / 12:20 pm

    I like your list! Hilarious. It inspires me to be ready for my future daughter’s dating life… My TT is here: Sadie

  5. Becki August 31, 2006 / 12:59 pm

    Here is a HUGE round of applause for ya on that one… I have 2 girls who are by far no where near dating age but oh i can see this being the norm when they are great TT

  6. Caledonia August 31, 2006 / 1:05 pm

    ROFL! I bet if you were a cop, you’d clean your gun in front of any dates!

  7. K T Cat August 31, 2006 / 1:43 pm

    Great list! My daughter isn’t old enough to date yet. When she is, I plan on displaying my Kung Fu weapons prominently.

    “No, the cane isn’t for walking. Why do you ask?” πŸ™‚

    My TT is up.

  8. PaxilPrincess August 31, 2006 / 2:01 pm

    Howdy from a fellow Texan!

    You had me LMAO!!

    Thanks Princess! Loved your thirteen too but your blogger wouldn’t save my comment! – tough

  9. momish August 31, 2006 / 4:29 pm

    I love #5! I will have to show my husband these rules as my stepdaughter just turned 17. It’s rough, I know. But looks like you have all the basis covered. What a great dad!

  10. Jenny Ryan September 1, 2006 / 7:28 am

    Nothing should be hanging out while you are with my daughter.

    So funny!

  11. Jersey Girl September 1, 2006 / 12:26 pm

    great list! I have boys…i told my gorgeous niece she is lucky i’m not her mom or I’d just velcro her to the wall when she came home from school so she couldn’t go out! LOL

  12. The Princess September 4, 2006 / 12:15 pm

    well being The Princess, i think i shouldnt like these rules. but honestly. i think they are hilarious. i was laughing the whole time. you’re the best.

    love ya lots..
    The Princess

    Semitough sez: You too Princess…love ya like a fat kid love cake πŸ™‚

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