The sun came up hot on my second day as a redneck bloggisti. The last few remnants of Semitough’s weekly lawn watering ration were evaporating off the brown grass like vapor rising over a steaming pot.
At some point there will be no benefit to the once weekly watering and I can just turn off the sprinkler system and save the money. At this stage of the game the lawn looks like crap anyway. The only reason I continue is to keep the gap between the dirt and the foundation under six inches wide. Home ownership is highly overrated. This is the kind of crap that consumes my thoughts and keeps me from being a better blogger.
The rest of my cranial capacity is consumed with thoughts, worries, panic regarding my teenage daughter, The Princess. She got her driver’s license yesterday and we haven’t seen her since. Her mother, Mi Esposa, and I both feel like she’s a pretty decent driver, but she is prone to myocranial infarctions which render her senseless from time to time. Esposa says to “hand it over.” I’m not sure if she means hand it over to God in prayer or to hand over the pistol I frequently have to my head. But though it’s good advice, it’s not always easy to do.
Speaking of the Princess, still having paternal hangover from the big doings surrounding the Super Sweet Sixteen party this weekend. What a bash it was. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the Princess so excited and her friends seemed to mirror that multiplying the excitement by a factor of ten. The thing I notice about teenage girls is that when they get excited they talk faster. I’m not sure I understood everything they said, but I assume it was “Great party!”, “Thanks for inviting me!” and what not. The scariest thing about the weekend was how comfortable the Princess looked with my American Express card in her hand. Oh my!
And although the girls were excited, I think the little brother, Energizer Buddy, was just as excited. He conned Sis and her opposite gendered special friend, The Westsider, to let him ride in the limo with them to the restaurant. He was also the first human to ride alone with the Princess after she recieved her license. Whatever his faults, you can’t question Energizer Buddy’s bravery.
Well off to get some work done. If anyone out there is like Semitough, it is sometimes semi-tough to get motivated for work. As I sit here contemplating motivation (and Semitough is nothing if not contemplative) I realize that there are not really motivational sayings, posters, etc. that truly reflect what motivates most of us. Here then are Twenty Motivational Sayings I would like to see (hat tip: http://www.famousquotesandjokes.com/)
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings…they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity… probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK… means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13. We waste time, so you don’t have to.
14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19. Succeed in spite of management.
20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
Another great source of humorous sayings along these lines can be found, along with a lot of great schwag, at http://demotivators.com.